Is this what we want our children to be reading?
Look! Look! What do we see?We see a pig.It has an eye... where's the eye?There's the eye!(Touch baby's hand to the eye in the picture.)-What Does Baby See? Anonymous.
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Article 23
Is this the most pointless telephone helpline ever?"Jeff speaking.""Hello, is that Jeff?""Yes it is.""I just wanted to check on the status of Jesus Christ.""OK, yes, well, he's the same as he was...
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Mysteries of the toy box
Having a child means your house fills up with some very strange artifacts. This, for instance, is a sort of cube within a cube:As you can see, somehow a cow's head as gotten jammed into the geometrical...
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Look at my nail
Look at my nail! It has split nearly in twain:Actually, don't look, it's disgusting.I don't actually know how it happened. The crack just came up with the nail as it grew, which means it happened...
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Oh, my! Get out of the way, please!
"One Pontipine, two Pontipines, three Pontipines, four Pontipines, five Pontipines, six Pontipines, seven Pontipines, eight Pontipines, nine Pontipines, ten Pontipines. The bodies of ten Pontipines...
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Delectable pellets
I reckoned Internetsbaby probably knows enough about what kind of noises animals make by now, so I thought I'd start her on vehicles. After all, she's coming up to Piaget's third stage of development...
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This may look like a game...
...but if her concentration lapses for even a second, all the nuclear reactors in Britain will go into meltdown. There isn't even a box-out on this in What To Expect When You're Expecting.
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This Vienetta is simply divine
How come everyone seems to think country suppers are somehow a signifier for posh?
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The Minotaur Malfeasance
I quite enjoyed Robert Harris's The Fear Index by professional thriller writer Robert Harris.What if computers go wrong? It doesn't bear thinking about, does it? Wires everywhere. But I was especially...
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Rationing Facts #1
Did you know? From 1940-47, more than a million babies in the UK were conceived using powdered ant semen.*Precious human semen was gathered and used as an emulsifier for pig feed. This famous poster...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 1)
In The Night Garden is a series first broadcast in 2007 on CBeebies, aimed at those jaded, old-before-their-time babies whose televisual palates have grown weary with traditional conventions of plot,...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 2)
Who's here?Look, it's Makka Pakka. Makka Pakka, usually about half the size of Igglepiggle, is a cowed figure, skulking around the Night Garden with his pathetic trolley or 'Og-Pog', washing stones and...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 3)
The Tombliboos are a trio of stripy idiots:They live in a large green mound-like nest which they built themselves by chewing up the covers of Penguin crime books to form a sort of papier-mâché:While...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 4)
There are two means of transportation in the Night Garden: the Ninky Nonk and the Pinky Ponk. These very similar names often confuse tourists.The Ninky Nonk is a sort of semi-runaway train:The Ninky...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 5)
Acclaimed actor Derek Jacobi is the narrator of In The Night Garden. As such, he enjoys full access to the set and a close relationship with its stars, as this chart, discovered in his dressing room,...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 6)
Who's here?Inevitably, it's the Pontipines.Derek Jacobi always introduces the Pontipines thus:The Pontipines are friends of mineAlthough they're only smallAnd even when there's 10 of themThey're hardly...
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In The Night Garden - a guide (part 7)
With its treacly pace and reassuringly consistent structure, In The Night Garden is perfect for winding its young audience down; indeed, it's currently shown in CBeebies' Bedtime Hour. What this means...
View ArticleFashion: A Personal Journey in Four Snapshots (Unillustrated)
1. Denim jacket (c. 1981)The first item of clothing I can remember expressly asking for, as opposed to just passively receiving, was a denim jacket. I wanted a denim jacket so I could be more like...
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Aquarium Review Corner
Whenever we go on holiday, we try and visit an aquarium. I can't really swim, so aside from prawn cocktail crisps, these Embassies of Neptune's Realm are really the only way I am going to find out...
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I can lock all my doors
I learned* Illustrator the other week. You can use Illustrator to draw anything. Anything! But mainly, according to the tutor, cars. Most of his examples were based around drawing cars. Circle tool....
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Brand disintegrity turns the milk chocolatey
I can't decide whether Sainsbury's are being incredibly lazy or incredibly ballsy with their own-brand cereal mascot. His* name is... Captain Cereal. That's either a will-this-do? concept shrugged out...
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Ready. And steady. And get set go.
The other day, my daughter lined up her entourage of toy companions in a row and told me, "They are watching television, daddy.""What are they watching?" I asked, hoping it wasn't True Detective. I...
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VANDRING RAV
This is Ikea's Vandring Räv children's quilt cover:Doesn't it look all woodlandy and idyllic? Doesn't it look conducive to a restful and refreshing sleep, such as you might expect if an elf were to...
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Various emotions
I have received academic correspondence!Two German psychology students emailed me because they wish to use a photo I took as part of their diploma theses. But why? What place have photographs in a...
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